Some times as a mom of young children, I begin to feel a little restless and unsure of myself and the direction we are heading. As I watch my children grow and see them reaching new stages and ready for different experiences and to learn new things, I lose my footing in the transition. I find myself not sure what to do. Perhaps I am grieving a little, as we are leaving one fun and beautiful stage of their childhood and moving onto the next.
I love to see them grow and do new things, but it can be bittersweet.
I remember when Shea was a baby and every new development was exciting and we were always cheering him on to the next thing. But once I had Hailey, I wanted everything to linger just a little longer.
And here we are. I will have a three year old and a boy entering Kindergarten in the fall and am I beside myself. I am finding it hard to find a balance for our day.
The last few days have felt hard. I have felt very fatigued, not certain how to fill our days, and feeling unable to give them all that they need or finish all that I want to accomplish. I think this is partly because I stopped drinking coffee, as I found I was drinking it so much it was making irritable and had me stuck in an awful cycle. I have quit it before and has never really had a physical effect on me, but this time it seems to. I am coming out of the funk now (and feel so much better!). The best therapy was drinking a glass of wine with my husband as we watched a silly movie and laughed and talked late into the night.
Today I decided to just slow down and let my body adjust and be with my kids. Play and read and cuddle and not worry about all the chores. Most of the time, I try to not take my camera out at home, because I don’t want our time together to be about getting a good picture, but I am glad I shot a few moments of their childhood today. These are the things that I want to remember: their little expressions, creativity, joy, playfulness, morning faces. Snippets of our home and life right now.
I am reminding myself that there is time to plan and do and rest and play and it doesn’t have to happen on some specific timeline or the way someone else does it, but in the right time and gracefully.