what I wasn’t told when I got married

August 125Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 7 years of marriage.

I wrote a simple post about how we celebrated, which you can see here.

It seems like when I first got married, I received a lot of advice about how to deal with “those” days.

We all have “those” days.

When we aren’t thinking clearly or feeling quite like ourselves.

When we find our doubts surfacing and our brows furrowing and we are just trying to make it through the day.

At most of my bridal showers, the guests filled out advice cards to help prepare me for my impending lifelong commitment to one person. Many of these cards had words of wisdom about how to deal with “those” days in the context of marriage.

I was warned I was bound to have moments where I would look at my husband and find myself having a hard time remembering why I married him.

It is good to be prepared for those harder days and I am grateful for the wise words I have received.

But I wonder why no one told me how much fun we would have growing together, how much deeper we would appreciate each other and how much more we would find satisfaction in each other as we grew older.

Or that every year we would love each other more than the one before.

I always thought the older we got and the more kids we had the less energy we would have and the less desired I would be.


he tells me I’m beautiful every single day.

And even when its three in the afternoon and I am still in wrinkly clothes and my hair hasn’t been washed in a few days and I have snot and food stuck on my clothes by preschoolers and I flinch away when he puts his hand around my waist because I know he feels this belly left from bearing our little ones and I feel anything but beautiful on the inside or the out, he somehow manages to help me start to believe him and to allow him to love me.

Sometimes we don’t feel lovely simply because we are pushing away those who love us by brushing their words and affections aside.

We think we are being strong, but instead, we are putting up barriers to the source of our strength.

With the confidence I receive from him, I flourish and I am able to listen and respond and give more fully to those I love.

And is that not a picture of how Christ loves us?  When I find myself trying to do things out of my own strength, even if I succeed for a time, I later find that I have actually been distancing myself from the very place I am made most strong, from the very one whose love can save me, who has given me my purpose and has set me free.

If we truly believed that we are loved, that we are beautiful, I wonder how much different our days could be?

And how many are there who do not have this picture in their life and need someone to step in, look them in the eyes and begin to bring them to a place where they can be made whole and strong and realize their loveliness?

– b.e.


One thought on “what I wasn’t told when I got married

  1. Your post brought tears to my eyes! It’s so true, there are so many beautiful things in marriage and you captured it in this post. Thanks for the reminder about how we push away from our source of strength.

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