It feels like the last two years of our life have been spent waiting.
Just over two years ago, we found ourselves here in Indianola. We didn’t know why we were here. We had no plans of staying long term. It was sort of a resting place to get back on our feet and figure out who we were and where we were going. That winter, I became pregnant with our second baby, and that advent season took on a very real meaning of expectancy in our lives. We were expecting to find what was next, to welcome another sweet babe into our home, to see what fruit may come from the things we were passionate about. Life was good and exciting.
Things didn’t change much until last January when I applied for an opportunity which took 4 months to complete the interview process for. In the past, most jobs we have applied for have always been very quick and sudden, so it was different for us to go through such a slow process. I was glad for the pace things went and when I was not offered the position, we let out a small sigh of relief and found ourselves feeling ready to embrace a longer time here than we thought.
Come summer, my husband unexpectedly came across another new and exciting possibility for our family. We began that process near the beginning of July.
And we found ourselves waiting for nearly 6 months to find out if this was the next step for our family.
This past week, my husband finally received the long awaited phone call which would give us the answer.
And in that moment – just like that – the wait was over.
We could stop holding our breathe, and boy, does it feel good to breathe deep and begin to reconnect and be a part of the life around us again.
During this time of not knowing – not knowing if we would go or stay or what we were going to do – I found myself feeling increasingly disconnected from the people and things going on around me.
It wasn’t on purpose. I love our friends and family and meeting people in our community and I know that if I don’t spend time with others, I become listless and stressed. I somehow found myself doing things halfheartedly – unable to focus on what was in front of me.
This has been a lesson not only in patience, but in not losing ourselves in the waiting.
Because I have definitely felt lost. Like I have just been floating along with no sense of rhythm or depth in the day-to-day.
The days blend into each other when all you are doing is waiting.
When asked how my week had been, I wouldn’t know what to say. Fine, I guess. I couldn’t even tell you what I had done the previous week. I knew we were doing something, right? I felt tired, but I wasn’t sure why. Everything had been overshadowed by the waiting and wondering and anxiety and excitement, and I couldn’t let you in on it, because it felt like it wasn’t that important, and yet,
I was being consumed by it.
In some ways, the waiting is still not over. Every time a possibility closes, it seems that we are suddenly given several more. This is why the waiting seems to continue; there are ongoing options and only time seems to tell which one we should choose.
Only this time, a deep desire is awakening inside of me to fully embrace the here and now around us, even in the midst of waiting and the possibility of change.
photo and design credit: b.e.